Are you curious about a true story of miracles? A ruse that destroys all of Houdini’s tricks? A move so magnificent that reports of many faintings follow its spectacular conclusion? Are you really ready, please? If so, let me tell you about the most incredible, unbelievable, and true miracle of all time: drum roll a pregnancy! Well, don’t laugh; bearing children is an incredible experience for a woman’s body, and if anything should be called an ordeal, it’s the act of bearing children.Furthermore, you are aware of our philosophy, which is to honour humankind’s greatest amazing feats with a series of amusing jokes. Here it is, our captivating, astounding, and belly-laugh-inducing list of pregnancy jokes! If, however, you are a significantly pregnant woman and would want to read the contents of this essay, please be advised that some mishaps may occur as a result of the rearranged arrangement of your priceless internal organs.
Thus, yes, being pregnant is a wonderful joy, but it also comes with throwing away your cookies on a regular basis, developing the dreaded cankle from general swollenness, and, of course, having your insides crushed and your abdomen the size of a coveted watermelon. You can only laugh at your problems, that’s for sure, and these jokes about future moms are here to cheer you up. You starting an argument with, “Hey, don’t forget to mention the bright side of pregnancy!” is nearly audible right now. So, these are included here: that elusive glow, those gorgeous hair (which you will eventually lose once your baby leaves your womb), and a whole bunch of pregnancy jokes that could only happen to you.
Now, we understand that you may be suffering from “pregnancy brain,” and your attention span may be as short as a pet fish’s, so we’ll spare you the awkward small talk and invite you to jump straight to our compilation of the greatest jokes about expecting mothers. When you get there, make sure to cast your vote for the funniest jokes, and don’t forget to forward this post to anyone else who’s currently pulling off the greatest trick known to man!
#1
A woman can hardly understand how much anguish a man experiences when he has a fever during labour.
#2
(I am 6 months pregnant)
Me, after ordering my coffee:
Stranger at Starbucks: you know you should be drinking decaf when you’re pregnant.
Me: I’m… not pregnant.
Stranger: (horrified) I am so, so sorry!
And that’s what you get for giving unsolicited advice.
#3
“My spouse was instructed to put the Oreos somewhere out of my reach. He then placed them on the ground.”
#4
If women were the ones who became pregnant, how would things change?
Morning sickness would be the most common health issue in the country, and maternity leave would be fully paid for two years.
#5
What does pregnancy mean to you?
a nine-month hostage scenario in which the building and the hostage are both you.
#6
Nowadays, births are occurring underwater.
The baby is said to be less traumatised because it is submerged in water, but the other pool users are undoubtedly more traumatised.
#7
Which craving is most prevalent throughout pregnancy?
for women to become pregnant after men.
#8
“When the earthquake struck, I rushed to save our brand-new TV. My spouse is expecting a child. We’re currently having a discussion.”
#9
“My 4-year-old saw a picture of me with a baby. I clarify that she existed within of me. After giving it some thought, she declared, “I never want to do that again.”
#10
“Stop claiming that we are expecting. You’re not carrying a child! Does someone the size of a watermelon need to be forced out of your lady-hole? No. Are you crying by yourself while driving and blasting out a dumb Bette Midler song? No. Is the reason you throw up when you get up because you are raising a human being? No. You had too many tequila shots, that’s why. – Mila Kunis
#11
Him: Is that a maternity top?
Me, at 3 months pregnant: It is!
Him : Are those maternity jeans?
Me, at 6 months pregnant: They are!
Him: Is that a bed sheet?
Me, at 9 months pregnant: NOTHING FITS OKAY!!!
#12
“The hormones associated with pregnancy make you want to rip your husband’s clothes off or cut off his head.
Literally, nothing exists between.”
#13
Another expectant lady: Every day, I enjoy doing an hour of exercise and yoga. It makes me appreciate the amazing things my body is currently capable of.
Me: This morning, trying to put on my shoes, I almost choked.
#14
Me: What would look better with this, tennis shoes or boots?
Husband: It doesn’t really matter, you’re just going to look super pregnant regardless.
Me:
Husband:
Me:
Husband:
Me:
Husband:
Me:
Husband: I am so sorry.
#15
To prevent urinating on your hand, a curved pregnancy test has been developed.
“Listen, if you aren’t ready to have pee on your hand, then you’re definitely not ready to be a mum.”
#16
“Yelp pregnancy review:
1 out of 5 stars.
It took far too long.
Expensive.
Extremely cramped and uncomfortable.
Simply awful in terms of aesthetics.
Absent alcohol.”
#17
“Why do men say women are dumb for getting pregnant like she did it by herself?”
#18
“I used Uber today. I got in, and the driver looked scared. Which medical facility? “Just going to pick up my car, buddy.” “What do I do?”
#19
“Knowing how much my extremely pregnant wife enjoyed them, I bought her some salt and vinegar crisps. I had them for lunch after that. I’ll be in a witness relocation program under a new name, if anyone wants me.”
#20
What is the number of days in a month?
With the exception of the last month of pregnancy, which has 5,489,234, each month has an average of 30 to 31 days.
#21
I became upset because I believed I had seen a dead bird in the road. It was a covering. I subsequently became emotional as a result of relief.”
#22
“Being pregnant is the best way to get unwanted advice on literally anything.”
#23
Five-year-old: What occurs if the child urinates?
Wife in pregnancy: She refuses. She bides her time until birth.
5: Appropriate. similar to how nobody urinates in the pool.
#24
“It’s a common misconception that pregnant ladies glow. And I say it’s because you’re drenched with perspiration. — Jessica Simpson
#25
“Trapped in a flat with a toddler all day and trying to work is a great way to prevent pregnancy. Sadly, I’m already expecting a child.”
#26
“For those wondering how far along I am, I’m at the stage of pregnancy where I can’t look at a dog without crying.”
#27
“Having a child is similar to getting a facial tattoo.” You had better have a true commitment. – Elizabeth G.
#28
How does being pregnant feel like a child once more?
You’re always hearing advice from someone.
#29
I’ve been pregnant for two months. When is my baby going to move?
Hopefully, shortly after he graduates from college.
#30
Does having heartburn when pregnant indicate that your unborn child will be hairy?
Then Chewbacca is going to be born.
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