We previously included several anecdotes from folks who had dated someone who was, well, sort of dumb. Here are a few of the more entertaining “I’m dating an idiot” stories that BuzzFeed Community members shared in the post’s comments.
1.
“She started giggling when we arrived to the dinosaur bones when we were on a trip to the museum. She asserted with confidence that dinosaurs never existed when I questioned what was so funny. She reasoned that since she had only seen them in cartoons, they couldn’t possible exist. She was twenty-two.”
2.
“Back in high school, my ex-boyfriend believed that a woman’s monthly cycle was represented as blue liquid in advertisements for feminine goods. Couldn’t leave the relationship quickly enough.”
3.
“My spouse and I were searching for a new vehicle. He wanted a convertible, and I wanted a standard automobile. He got upset with me for opening the sunroof on my car even though it was 74 degrees outside and sunny. He said his face was scorching from the sun. We didn’t purchase a convertible car.
4.
“I informed him that I was arranging a trip to Australia with my best buddy. When he explained the duration of the flights, he asked, “You guys don’t want to drive there?” Our place of residence is Canada.”
5.
We got into a heated argument about birds being mammals with my ex. She insisted that birds are mammals because they had warm blood, citing her experience as a marine biologist major as justification for her argument. It was late at night. Although I knew they were warm-blooded, I had to establish they were in their own category—BIRDS—by getting out of bed and using dial-up internet.”
6.
“He had no idea what a toe was. I believed that my foot’s fourth toe was fractured. I showed him that it was swollen and bruised when he wanted to see it. ‘I thought you mentioned you hurt your toe?’ he asked. I indicated the discoloured toe once more and answered, “Yes, this one.” He gave it a long look, then turned back to face me, saying, “I thought only the big ones were toes.”
I’m still not sure what he believed the other objects were that were on the end of his foot. Perhaps he had simply never thought to ask? Alternatively, perhaps he saw them as pigs.”
7.
“My ex-fiancé thought women just walk around with milk in their boobs, willy-nilly.”
8.
As my former partner and I were becoming intimate, he abruptly jolted to his feet and said, ‘Oh my god, I felt a lump!’
9.
He mentioned having a vaporiser, and we were going to smoke marijuana. This man takes out a HUMIDIFIER, puts some marijuana in the water basin, and doesn’t know how to turn it on to produce smoke.”
10.
“My gender is masculine. In order for us to have sex and prevent her from getting pregnant, my date asked when I usually got my period. She was older than twenty-five.”
11.
“I was introduced to one of my friend’s roommates, and we clicked immediately. A few weeks into our relationship, I went to pick her up for a performance, but she was still getting ready, so her roommates allowed me in. When I stepped in, there was a weird fragrance in the air, and they were all grinning and kind of laughing. Following a short while of small talk, her roommate—who happens to be my friend—couldn’t contain herself any longer and led me into the kitchen to show me something. A plastic bowl had melted onto the hob when I turned to face the stove. Using a Tupperware bowl to heat the mixture, my date attempted to prepare mac and cheese on the stove without supervision.
12.
“This girl I dated was a grocery store employee. She informed me that she had questioned a Pennsylvanian customer on the veracity of vampire presence in the state.
13.
As we were having fun, fully clothed, he gave me a dry hump. Once more, completely dressed. We came to an end, and he left. He came over crying and worried sick two days later. I enquired as to the situation. He wanted to see a doctor so that they could verify my pregnancy as a result of what ‘he did to me.’ Once more, we had only been dressed for two days. We were sophomores in college as well.”
14.
“Guy invited me to a celebration of graduation. At that time, I had mono. He drove off the road after the party and bent over to give me a kiss. I mentioned that I have mono again. “Kissing cures mono,” he replied. “What?!”
15.
“She was having a debate with an employee and finally said, ‘Vietnam isn’t a COUNTRY, it’s a WAR.'”
16.
When my then-girlfriend Charles Whitman used firearms to execute mass murder atop the University of Texas clock tower in 1966, she exclaimed, ‘They should outlaw towers!'” Towers, not guns.
17.
“I went to the Metro Zoo with four generations of women from her family while I was seeing a woman in her mid-twenties. My girlfriend, her mother, grandma, and her 7-year-old kid were all there. There was a big dinosaur exhibit in the zoo. We agreed to meet again in an hour, but I wanted to check out the reptile pavilion since I had already seen the display. They weren’t happy when I met them. I enquired as to the problem. The three elder ones exclaimed, “It’s just a bunch of skeletons; what a waste of time.” “The last dinosaur on Earth has been extinct for at least 65 million years,” I retorted.
18.
“My ex-husband asked me how the rice multiplies when I was preparing it. What does he mean, I asked? He believed the rice had grown to fill the saucepan. Numerous justifications for his ex-status.”
19.
“I had a lunch appointment with a New Yorker who personified the iconic New Yorker magazine cover about a New York resident’s perception of US geography while I was living on the East Coast. He took a time to enquire, “Does Minnesota have a seacoast?” when I informed him where I was from.
20.
“One day, while a guy I was dating was spending a few days at my house, I saw that every time he made toast, he would take up the full toaster and move it across my spacious kitchen to use and plug it in. I questioned him about the reason for his actions after noticing them multiple times. In response, he said he was bringing the toaster closer to the bread loaf. After a moment of incredulity, I asked him if he didn’t think it would be a little easier to take the bread to the toaster. All it took for me to quietly retreat from this Einstein was the blank stare.”
21.
“On our first date, the girl says she’s a vegetarian before we even get to the restaurant. No issue, I opted for a restaurant with a wide selection. She asks for a steak as we settle in. I wanted to know if she was a vegetarian. Yes, but this is from the meat factory, so it’s okay, she responds. Decades before the whole Impossible Meat frenzy, this occurred. The server gave me a sidelong glance and remarked, “I don’t think she’s going to work out for us, babe.” I played along and responded, “Probably not.” I got to have a great steak with the waitress on her break, who I eventually married, while the female got upset and fled.”
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